MCLIC - McLean County Local Interagency Council

Print these tools: Word | PDF (provided by Power Toolz)

Tool # 1: Make The Rules & Stick With Them
If you had to pick only one tool to have in your parenting toolbox, this would be the one! Once you have decided on a rule in your home, be consistent and don’t change it. Hold your ground and stick to your rule, you ARE the one in control, not your child Make sure your whole family and any other caregivers keep the same rules also. Children will often give you a hard time and this may make you rethink your rules. Don’t change them for the sake of some quiet time. Don’t change them for a quick timesaver. Don’t change them because you are embarrassed in a public place. Your very smart children will remember this and possibly use it to their advantage - possibly having you rethink all your rules. Remember, be confident, you are the parent, you are your child’s teacher, and you are in control.

Tool # 2: Keep The Order In Your Home
Once you have developed your rules maintain a routine in your home and family life. This will help keep your home in a comfortable order rather than chaos. Set times for meals; play time, clean up/chores, school, Mommy Time, bath time, story/family time and bed. If your children are used to a routine they will be less likely to put up a fight for regular family life (like meals, bed and bath time). They will learn that these things are expected of them. It will also prepare them for the routines of school and adulthood.

Tool # 3: Don’t Run On Empty
Don’t forget to set time in your daily routine for yourself and your partner. Setting time aside to relax and reenergize will increase your energy level so you can give more time to your children. It will also help you to be calmer and less frustrated during stressful situations. By taking time for yourself and your partner you will be showing respect to each other. You will in return, be teaching your children to respect themselves.

Tool # 4: Provide The Guidance Of Reminders
As a parent you need to provide the guidance to teach your child what is acceptable and what is not. You can begin this guidance in a few ways. One is to gently remind your child of what is coming next in their routine. This reminder will give your child time to finish what they are doing and prepare for the next activity. (Sometimes a chart/timer/clock can be used to back up your routine) This reminder will help with smooth transitions in your home. The other type of guidance is a reminder of what is bad behavior. This reminder will give your child the chance to correct the behavior without further discipline.

Tool # 5: Teach Natural & Logical Consequences
This tool involves using the natural and logical consequences to disobeying. Natural consequences are a tool that allows children to see the negative impact their behavior has on themselves. For example: Not coming to breakfast on time will result in cold food.

Sometimes the natural consequence of a behavior may be dangerous, so you must use a consequence that relates to the problem. Logical consequences are a tool that involves offering children a choice between two alternatives. One of the alternatives will be the ideal behavior you would prefer, and the other one will be a less desirable activity. Most likely the child will choose the choice you prefer rather than the less desirable choice you gave them. This tool will help you eliminate power struggles in your home. It will also help your child to make appropriate choices, as they get older.

For example: Not looking both ways when crossing the street is a very dangerous behavior. You may want to discipline by giving the child two choices. The child can look both ways before crossing the street or play inside for the day. If a child is hitting their friends when they are playing together, you may ask them to choose to either stop hitting or do activities alone for the day. If you are having trouble with bedtime routines you could say “You can either put your PJ’s on now and have 10 more minutes of TV time, or you can go to bed now and miss out on the TV time.”

Tool # 6 Ignore The Bad Behavior
This works best with a new, annoying but not harmful behavior like bad language or tantrums. Effective ignoring involves not talking to or looking at the child or using any body language that indicates attention. It is very common that child tantrums just to get this attention from you. This lack of attention should cause the bad behavior to decrease. You child will then learn to gain your attention in more positive ways.

Tool # 7 Give Behavior Rewards & Penalties
This tool can be used at school and at home. You can set up charts for the children to 'log' their good and bad behaviors. The good behavior can be rewarded and the bad can be given a penalty. Rewards can be anything from praise and love to toys and treats. Penalties can be many different things like losing a privilege, adding an extra chore that day, or sitting out at recess. Basically, you use rewards to increase a good behavior and penalties to decrease or eliminate bad behaviors.

Tool # 8 Redirect The Bad Behavior
This tool involves helping the child find an alternative activity that is similar to what they were doing. "I can't let you throw your truck, but you may throw the ball outside." or "You may not kick the wall, but you may kick this ball instead.

Tool #9 Take Time To Cool Off
Hurtful behavior or an angry outburst can sometimes be stopped with the use of a cooling off period. A cooling off period is not used as a punishment. The child can be sent to a calming place to rest, read, or do something pleasant until the child gains control of their emotions and changes the behavior. A cooling off period is also a good way for adults to calm down before taking action and to demonstrate an acceptable way of handling anger.

Tool # 10 Use Time Out
Sometimes none of the methods described above seem to stop a child's misbehavior, especially if the child is emotionally out of control. "Time out" can be used in these situations if the child is old enough to understand the concepts of "wait" and "quiet". If you maintain a calm, neutral attitude when enforcing "time out," the child will be less likely to rebel and more likely to learn to cooperate.